Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Heart-shaped Memory

I was kneeling on one of the dining room chairs, and watching in admiration as she piped each name with precision. The cookies seemed giant. They were definitely over-sized, but being a small child, they may not have been quite as big as I remember them. Heart-shaped sugar cookies, iced with the palest pink icing, and then scripted with the names of our family members – one for each of them, in white icing. This is one of the most vivid memories I have of my mom. She died when I was five years old, and I can't be sure if I had just turned four, or five, when she and I made this special Valentine's Day surprise for everyone, but I do remember not being able to contain my excitement! “When are they coming?” I would ask. My four older siblings were at school, and my Dad was at work. I just could not wait for them to get home so that they could see what we had made for them!

It's a very tiny memory, but it is one that I have held onto my whole life, thus far. Was it the special time that we were sharing? Was the anticipation of presenting the family with this most wonderful surprise? Was it the deliciousness of the cookies? Perhaps my Mom had already been sick, and this was a rare time when she was home and feeling well enough to do anything with me. I guess I will never know why I have held this memory so close to my heart, except, simply, that it is of her.

There is a lot of pressure on a woman who has grown up without her mother. It is in the form of having unrealistic expectations on herself, of being EVERYTHING to her own children, that she didn't have growing up. Of course no mom is perfect, so we take the mom who bakes, the mom with the spotless house, the mom who threw the best birthday parties, the mom who cooked amazing meals, the mom who signed her kids up for anything and everything that they showed the slightest bit of interest in, the mom who went on every school trip, and of course the mom who took her daughters shopping for clothes, and we put them all together to make one SUPER MOM. That is who we try to be. Maybe all women try to be her too, but we will kill ourselves making it happen.

I have made it a tradition to bake and decorate sugar cookies for every occasion. Even before I had kids, I would make them for my friends and family. Now that I have kids, even though I mostly enjoy making them, I do feel obligated to do this activity with my them. As crazy as it sounds, the few times that I have not made sugar cookies for a holiday, for one reason or another, I have felt sad and resentful about it. THEY'RE ONLY COOKIES! But for me, they are much more than that. They represent one special moment that I was able to share with my mother, in the short time that I had her. So even if, after a particularily disasterous sugar-cookie-making-and-decorating experience, I may say “never again”, I know that I will always have the desire to build on this tradition.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

That's The Way The Cake Tumbles



Whenever I am looking for a party idea, the first place I go is to marthastewart.com . Martha has provided me with so many irresistible ideas, and I really admire the work of her team of creative geniuses. A couple of years ago, when I was hosting a baby shower, I found this adorable cake. I had to have it! I had to make it! The problem was that the cake was decorated in fondant, which, although I am an avid baker, I have never ventured into the world of. Fondant just seems like a set-up for failure for me. I have friends who are incredibly talented cake-tresses, and who use fondant to make amazing cakes and cookies that go beyond my stretch of creativity. See Rosie, of http://sweetapolita.com/. But back to my need make this cake; thankfully, I decided against trying it for this particular baby shower, and went with a simple onesie cake of my own design. However, when I agreed to host the baby shower for my nephew's girlfriend, I also offered to make the cake. I immediately knew exactly which cake I would be making: the adorable baby building blocks cake. I knew enough to understand that my version of the cake would be sloppier (if you can imagine) than Martha's, because I would be using buttercream instead of fondant – messy, messy, messy. But I felt inspired and excited, and somehow confident that I would be able to make a similar cake for the shower of my great-nephew in-waiting. It had to be this cake! I would settle for no less.


For some reason, I decided that when I make my version of the baby blocks cake, I would actually build the blocks up like a tower (what gravity?). I figured it would be even cuter, AND better with the buttercream...and I can't remember how I came to that conclusion. You see, the difference between me and the fabulous artists of Martha Stewart's kind, is that they use their heads. Me – not so much. I'm more of a heart person, than a head person. Besides, why would I let something so miniscule as gravity stop me from making the cake that I want? I was so excited to get started on this cake, that I got to it as soon as I dropped the kids off at school on Friday. Admittedly, the Martha Stewart group has likely got the advantage of several baking pans to their disposal. I was pumped because I had just purchased a perfectly square 8” pan for which to make these perfect cube cakes. I spent $14 on this little pan, and couldn't think of buying more than one at this point in my caking career. I figured that if I baked three cakes, and cut each into perfect four squares, that I would get twelve squares, which would make six two-layer blocks. I thought I was pretty bright to figure all that out by myself. I would have three blocks on the bottom, two in the middle, and one on top; the ideal little tower of blocks! The baking of the cakes took a very, very long time. I had to make the batter (my favourite deep dark chocolate cake recipe), then bake the cake for about 45 minutes, let it cool for ten minutes in the pan, then remove, then repeat. So I was looking at at least three hours of baking alone – and that was without any breaks or interruptions. The first cake was in the oven, only minutes away from buzzing, when the phone rang. It was the school telling me that Max had a sick tummy, and could I please come and pick him up. Wow. This was going to be a challenge. It was a good thing that I was starting to make the cake on Friday morning, because the shower wasn't until 6:00 p.m. On Saturday night.


It was well into the afternoon when the cakes were finished baking and were cooled. I had to spend quite a bit of time with Max, who really was feeling down and out. I think it was after school when my husband arrived home that I started to cut the squares. I actually used a measuring tape to make the squares as close to even as possible. This might seem like common sense to most people, but for me, it was a new concept. After cutting the twelve squares, I started on making the buttercream, which was also a big job. I figured I would need at least double the recipe, but actually ended up making four batches of the icing. It should be noted that I didn't stop for food during this day, but got all the nourishment I needed from the icing which I had to constantly lick off of my fingers. But don't worry! I washed every time after licking! I covered the top sides of each of six squares with plain buttercream, then stacked one of each of the last six squares on top to make six two-layer cubes. The cubes were not perfect, despite my measuring tape step. I didn't think this would be a very big deal. This was a very big deal. I then started the task of creating the six most perfectly pastel icing shades. This part was a piece of cake (no pun intended), although a little tiring to mix all the colours in six separate bowls. I was, however, very happy with my colour palette, and I'm sure that even Martha would approve. Next I did a crumb-coat on each of the six blocks. This was a new step for me, but very much an effective one. I applied a thin layer of the pastel icing to each block, covering it completely. After chilling the blocks, I was able to apply a second coat (for which I had to make another batch of icing and all six colours again). This coat went on smoothly, and it completely covered all the crumbs. Looking at the blocks, I began to feel a little unsettled at how imperfect they were in their cubiness (I know that's not an actual word). I wondered if this might cause a problem in assembling my genius block tower. I left the cakes at this stage to chill overnight. It was midnight – not bad for me at all.


On Saturday morning I awoke uncharacteristically chipper and feeling ahead of the game. I am NEVER ahead of the game. Something that I hate to admit, is that I tend to be late for everything. I host many family dinners and get-togethers for my large family in my home. I am never ready when people start arriving (which is usually late). My family knows that if anyone dares to show up early, or even on time for that matter, I am not going to be delighted to see them. I have a great appreciation for people who show up fashionably late. It is a fault of mine, I know, but how is a girl supposed to finish upholstering the dining room chairs if people are going to show up on time to a party (true story)? Anyway, back to my cake. I started by placing a block on the cake board and using white buttercream to pipe on the number and the pictures on each side of the block. I added the next block beside it, and thought about how strange it was that it was about an inch higher than the first block. Oh well! I continued on until I had a nice little row of the three bottom blocks finished. I thought they looked really cute. Next, I placed one of the middle row blocks, centred above two of the bottom blocks – hmmmm, it's not quite sitting straight – probably due to the height difference of the bottom two blocks. Oh well! I repeated with the second middle block, but decided that it would be smart for me to place a small piece of cardboard under one of the corners to level out the block – it was leaning forward quite a bit. I finally placed the top block on, decorated it, stood back and admired it. It was now just before noon. I still had six hours before the party was due to start! I was impressed! I then placed the cake with great care onto the dining room buffet, and took some pictures of the cake...just incase.Notice how I sculpted the tower to give the effect of a child's tower of blocks, just before it comes crashing to the floor. I lie. It was not intended to look that way. After about thirty minutes, my husband thought that the cake looked like it was going to fall. He suggested that we put some skewers through the blocks to connect them internally. Now why didn't I think of that?! He then helped me to masterfully place the skewers into the cakes. It was much sturdier now. The phone rang, and it was my sister Melanie. When I told her that the cake was done, she said, “so does that mean that you won't be still working on it when we all get there?” She's funny. I said, “nope! It's all done!” After I hung up the phone, I walked casually into the dining room to find that my tower had crumbled. Yes, the only blocks still standing were the two outside blocks on the bottom; the middle block, (the runt of the bunch) was completely smashed to smithereens! I didn't cry. I didn't even curse. I wipe the pastel mixture of buttercream off of the dining room wall. I just picked up the fallen blocks and set them on the large board. I was pretty sure that I could salvage them, although they would have to be redecorated for the most part. I couldn't think about doing it at that moment. After all, I had already spent the better part of about fifteen hours on the cake! The phone rang again. It was Melanie. I told her my cake fell. She said, “Aw, so you WILL be still working on the cake when we arrive.” I said, “Yes. Yes I will”.


I worked on cleaning the house that I had neglected for over twenty-four hours, and by the time I finished that, had a shower, and got ready, there was a little under one hour to save the cake. I made ANOTHER batch of icing, colouring not six, but five different bowls of buttercream (as I lost one of the blocks in the tumble.) Then I did what I should have done, but wasn't smart enough to do in the first place. I placed the blocks flat on the board and decorated them.Everyone enjoyed the cake. It was moist and delicious, and everything that a fifteen hour chocolate cake should be. I did learn a lot from this experience. I learned that I can't fool physics (whatever that is). And as I was in the kitchen finishing the redecorating of the cake, partway through the party, I realized that the most important thing that I learned is that it's best to be behind schedule, because then when the cake is finally ready, half-way through the party, it will get eaten, and there will be no time for it to topple. I have also decided that I don't want to see any form of icing for a long...ooh! Look at these adorable conversation heart cookies! I could make these for the kids' classes at school!